| Although the long-term pharmaceutical effects are presumably known by only a few Amazonian Native Tribal Shamans, an intrepid jungle explorer named Slim Chance, discovered the secret to safely handling the Two Headed Tubular Anaconda. For you see, the saliva of this particular river snake is prized by the native maidens for its rare hallucinogenic and aphrodisiacal qualities. How Slim discovered this secret is another story, available for a nominal charge in the Circus Solenoid Gift Shop. In any event, under NO circumstances can the Two Headed Tubular Anaconda be immersed in water. Big Fun! Amusement recaptured this dangerous and rare specimen at great expense after it escaped into Stow Lake in the early 1960s with well-known consequences and notoriety. Care & Handling Instructions: Although closely resembling a painted corrugated plastic tube with two flat painted cardboard heads, the Two Headed Tubular Anaconda is in fact a living creature of vast intelligence. The menacing snake should be accorded dignified treatment and respect. This extremely long-lived creature (chronological nexus analysis indicates that this individual may be more than several million years old) most likely slithered up from the Jurassic Period. It enjoys a period of somnambulant stasis, as its body dries out in captivity. Slim Chance discovered that the feeding of a large steel ball allows the Anaconda to retain enough internal moisture to remain semi-active, while not becoming dormant in its desert hibernation phase or in its rare but potentially deadly aquatic sexual predatory mode. The Anaconda enjoys sucking on the rusty steel ball and if you listen closely, you can hear it gently roaring in delight. To prevent the chitin in the exoskeleton from becoming brittle in captivity, a strict regime of physical therapy is recommended. To this end, the mysterious purple motor unit has been provided. If the Anaconda becomes WILD with desire and spits up the stasis inducing rusty steel ball, don't panic. Simply stop the motorized therapy, wait for the Anaconda to settle into restfulness, then cautiously re-introduce the steel ball into the open throat. Licking the rusty steel ball with the expectation of a cheap thrill of a exotic sexual hallucinogenic nature is not recommended by Big Fun! Amusement Devices. |